she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
