I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
