So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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