What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just google imaged poop.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
