Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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