Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
