Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
