I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize