I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
