I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
