i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
