margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
