seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
