I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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