So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize