dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
