I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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