Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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