I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
