used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
