Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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