Your dad touched me again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
