You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
