what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
