Its about making memories worth repressing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
