Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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