i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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