i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
