I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
