so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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