I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
