There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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