I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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