Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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