Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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