..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
