i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize