everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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