No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
