I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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