You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
