I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
