Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
