Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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