Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he thought i was a dude.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
