My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
