You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't make out with my wife yet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
