can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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