Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
