did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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