Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
