just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
