I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
