ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
