never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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