she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
