I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
