So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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