I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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