I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
