i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
