what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
