so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
