The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just pynch a tree in the face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
