Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
