how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
