Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
