are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
