I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
