You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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