i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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