At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
