I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
