Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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