My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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