Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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