did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
