From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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