you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
