dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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