I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
