yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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