just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
