While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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