you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
