well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
