Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
