i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
