her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who died my cat blue again?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
