thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
be right there i have to get my cape
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
