I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
