you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
