i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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