I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
