I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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