somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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