I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
