my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
