do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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