The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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